Bullying and Overcoming

I thought I would take a moment in a busy morning to write a few thoughts.  We've had a very difficult year.  Most of our concerns have been regarding John and the many needs he has.

It's no secret that John is being teased and bullied every single day.  Even in his new school, John is "that one kid" who gets teased the most.

Last week, an older kid grabbed John by his backpack and stuffed trash down the front of his shirt.  If you're reading this and are thinking, "Gee, I'm so glad that's not happening to my kid"... you should be.

Try as we may to dress John in "cool" clothes, teach him how valuable he is, and to stand up for himself, John is SO incredibly different than everyone else.  Fitting in is not easy.

For a few years, the children have avoided sitting next to John at lunch.  They called him "John Germs" and say he is "disgusting".  John came home this week and said "I wish I could sit near people at lunch so I could be warm.  They all move away from me and my body feels cold."

This is the dark pit of our family.  This is what keeps me up in the middle of the night.

The kids at school even come up to Ella and give her an earful about how her brother cries all the time.  Cousins and cub scouts jump right in on the teasing/avoidance and John has yet to find his place. We try to keep a distance from more hurt.  John is currently doing cub scouts from home because virtually all of the boys in his pack were being unkind.  Most of the teachers and administrators turn the other way and refuse to hear our concerns.  I guess it's not a problem until someone's life is threatened.  But we refuse to lose John to this beast.

There HAVE been have a few angels nearby.  Some family members and neighbors have been so incredibly warm and open to wrap their arms around John!  I get all teary-eyed just thinking of these sweet people and how they truly have been guardian angels for us.  The give John T-I-M-E and that means so much.  I remind John that there are people in his life, including the Savior who love him dearly.  We're not giving up.

Our homework after school often includes an hour long discussion about the trauma of the day.  Quite honestly, I'm getting a bit tired of it.  It's now time to take further action.

I've been a little bit of a squeaky wheel in the community.  I'm so very grateful for those who continue to work on having a fabulous district.  I stand in awe of their work and accomplishments.  But after speaking with prevention science department, SPED, administrators, psychologists, OTs, STs, parents, teachers, and other district members, I am beginning to understand that the work in this area will take years and we don't have years.  I am still fully supportive of the community but I feel like our family is being pointed in a new direction.  Our children are our first priority.

Some people have suggested home schooling, but I have yet to find a program that offers the maximum safe social exposure that John desperately needs.  Our psychologists and therapists reiterate the necessity for John to be in a very social atmosphere.  I do know a lot about homeschooling and have studied it in my college classes.  I did home preschool.  It can be very beneficial, but I have yet to find a homeschooling group of individuals that aligns with the approach that I value so much.

Many others have suggested their Charter schools to me.  Thank you.  I'm at the mastered-level point now that I can talk with one faculty member of a school and be able to determine if it will work for John.  We have been approved at so many Charter school wait lists I can't even count them.  As soon as I talk with someone, it's over.  Politics and business...that's what it has been coming down to.

We've made the difficult decision that it's time to move to a school district that is more established in autism education in an area that has services for our family.  Ella also needs support and there are very few support groups on this side of town.

The area were a looking at has private education options for John if needed and highly recommended public schools.  One of our behavioral psychologists and private evaluators suggested  two specific school districts he finds holds higher SPED standards and has excellent communication with parents, along with IEP compliance, and substantial support work.  Not to mention substantial graduation rates and opportunities.  We'll keep everyone posted.  Adam and I are desperate for relief.

I'm not sure how long this move will take, maybe a few weeks or months.  Until then, we are working closely with John.  He is having assessments and we are making summer plans for social grouping and networking.  Not to mention Disneyland just to get our mind off things!  I have a clear conscience that we are on the right path and that we've been doing what's best for our kiddos.  We're just praying for additional direction.  How grateful we are for our "angels" in this area!  We look forward with faith and we ask for prayers, please.